For My Teacher Friends

A fellow teacher was telling me about this calender, from inspiringteachers.com, around November as I began to lose all hope in teaching. I said, about everyday, I hate this job. If people asked how I liked teaching I would simply reply, "It's not for me." or "It's fine until I can figure out something else to do." I literally hated the idea of having to teach ever again. I felt like I worked so hard and was achieving nothing. I felt like I was not appreciated. I realize that teachers don't teach for recognition,but c'mon! I had students complain about me bringing candy as their "treat" rather than popcorn. I wanted to yell, "Are you kidding me? I won't be rewarding you with anything next time!" However, I did what I have learned to do. I ignored them. If one student out of 100 says thank you- I will appreciate that 1- rather than focusing on the 99 others. I was frustrated and disappointed in the career I had chosen. I think you could say this qualifies as disillusionment, although maybe my curve would be a little lower. I also heard from friends who teach- one, who teaches first graders, decided she needed to open a bakery. At this point I said I would join her and we could add on a used book store. Another friend actually talked to me about not signing her contract for next year. It makes me sad that teachers reach such a low- but I understand.

The anticipation part in August is definitely true. I mean, I worked for four years to become a teacher- I couldn't wait to change the lives of so many people. I was so excited and nervous to begin teaching!After about a month I realized that teaching was hard. As I have talked about in other posts, I work all the time. The dream of touching so many lives is possible. I know that I have made an impact, and I know that I will continue to- but sometimes students come along that seem to get me so down that I forget about all of the good. I focus on the small group of bad students and lose sight of the students who at least somewhat care.

The survival part is dead-on. I was struggling to keep my head above water. A veteran teacher once said about his first year, "You get to a point when you realize you have no idea what you're doing. You think that someone is going to figure out that you are a fraud and they need to get rid of you immediately." This made me laugh, but again, it's so true. You go from one day to the next praying you get what you need to get done, done- and that your wonderful students don't eat you alive. I would get to school at 6:30 and not leave until 5. I would only leave to go home, cook dinner for the hubbs, and then work again. I worked around the clock (I still do, but I have learned to chill-out about it- and for those of you who know me well, you know that was hard for me!) I was slowly sinking into frustration.

I have already discussed the disillusionment part. It's so true- and it was miserable. However, I think I have already started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have started to see that yes, I can do this. I am feeling rejuvenated (other than spending a lot of my time in softball, but that I won't complain about because I love it!). I actually don't dread going to work, as I did for the winter months. I see the positive- or I try to at least. That's a weakness for me. I laugh more, and I try to be a positive leader. It's not always easy, but I am definitely enjoying my job. I actually got teary-eyed the other day thinking about not having my sophomores next year. I enjoy talking to them about life and literature. Every now and then students ask about my faith- and I realize why I am here. I am here because I felt called to be a teacher. Even if I can't witness vocally- or if I do I have to be careful- I have learned to witness with all I say and with my attitude. it's awesome getting to answer students questions about faith. Eventually I will have to share about two of my students, but that's another topic. Remembering why I am here and who I am here for opens my eyes to the opportunities God has given me, and it helps me to see a little more through God's eyes, the students he has placed in my life. As well as the faculty.

I have no doubt that the reflection is coming. I try to look back at the assignments I have made and see what I can do better- so I guess that sort of counts.

Just thought I would share this. I think it is very true! It made me feel better about the "rough patch" I went through for a while.