The Plans

Well, it's official. Almost official to be completely honest. We are here for another year. Not a bad thing- just not what we had planned.

Chris is accepting a job at Purdue as a tech (which is what we thought he would do...we just thought we would have to move). So that's awesome. And I just accepted a job at a new high school- which was not planned, but is such a blessing. Better school, better pay- but I will miss the posse and my students. Overall, it's obvious God had a plan. I just think about the changes and worries of the past year and see that God was working on our hearts in preparation of this decision. It's humbling.

The new school is a rival of the one I am at now, so that's going to be weird for a bit. But oh well. I will get over it. And I like the colors. Blue makes my eyes stand-out- because that's important when looking for a job. ;)

So, with that news, I am feeling excited yet uncomfortable. This, as I have said before, was not the plan. It doesn't matter, but it just isn't what I prepared myself for. I like plans and I like to know them in advance. But God's working on that.

I feel like I am putting life on hold. I am ready to settle, to buy a house, to talk about babies, to get comfortable somewhere. I feel like I am waiting for life to start- which is kind of depressing. It's something I struggle with for a bit and then get excited about and then struggle again. Today, I am struggling. Tomorrow I will probably love the uncertainty.

On that note, I do love it here. And I absolutely love our life here. So much that I don't want to move, which is why it's hard. I am not good with goodbye, and I am ready to be somewhere that I won't have the attitude of  "Wewillbemovingsoon,sodon'tgettoocomfortable."

When this song played on the radio this morning I knew God was speaking to me. And I am listening, because he's been awesome so far. Waiting for life to begin or not attitude- I am blessed.

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

-John Waller



Not an Easter Post.

I know it's Easter. I know I am suppose to be celebrating the Resurrection of our Savior, and I am, I promise. I have never been so excited for Easter. I feel like I finally realize everything Jesus did for me.

But that's not what is on my heart right now.

It's more of the problems with the church. Why today seemed like the day I wanted to share how I feel, I'm not sure. But that's okay.

Chris and I were drinking coffee and spending time in the word while listening to the Casting Crowns station on Pandora when this song came on:

If you haven't heard it, you really should pay attention. These are the lyrics that stopped me in my tracks as I was having my quiet time this morning. And apparently Chris too.

"Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even know she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we've never even met her"

Chris and I are in the process of switching churches. We both grew up Lutheran, so when we moved, we stayed Lutheran. It was easy. We loved the church we found and we made instant friends who have become more like family. It has been such a blessing. But we soon realized there was no one our age, and that wasn't going to change. We needed fellowship with peers. We also weren't being pushed spiritually. And...well... we saw the ugly side of the church. And yes, I know there is an ugly side to every church.

Like so many churches, it was the presentation that was important. It was the flowers on the altar, the organ, the parking lot, etc. Church became about the potlucks, the dinners, the cakes, the trips- the social part in general. Church family judged rather than loved. A hoodie and jeans became unworthy to wear to church. Gossip consumed conversation. Gossip about other members kept us from loving.  I say us because I took part, and still find it a struggle not to. There was no room, or time left to worship. We saw ourselves and others becoming Marthas. I do not want to be a Martha. And worse, we saw the typical "Christian" by the worlds standards. We were letting ourselves become comfortable with going and doing, rather than bowing and praising.

We began to forget the people. The suffering. The stories. The service. The worship. The repentance.

The church has become side tracked.

I could go on with things I noticed, but that's not important. What's important is that we worship in a place where the girl in the song would not go unnoticed. That we worship in a place that she would be accepted. Where each member reaches out and loves. Where we serve because we want to love on others. Where Christ is the absolute center of worship. Where the goal of the church is to bring others to know Christ. Where we are pushed. Where we are held accountable.

I want to make it clear that I am not upset with our old church. I am grateful for everything we learned, and especially the people. Many of whom we will be celebrating Easter with. They became family. It was our first church as a married couple. There are wonderful people there, many of whom are ready and willing to serve.

But I want more. I want to serve constantly. I want to make it a mission to bring others to Christ. I want to "Go and make disciples". And I want my church family to come along.

Matthew 22: 37 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

A Little Thankfulness

I recently started the "Reading the Bible in One Year" program, which consists of an Old testament, New Testament, and Psalm every day. I had planned on doing a 90 day reading plan this summer, but I need something now, so I decided on this. Chris is doing the 90 day plan- which is intense.

This is today's Psalm. I read it after reading a few of the miracles Jesus performs in Luke. It is such a wonderful reminder to be thankful for all that God has given us, and to praise his name. The bolded parts are the ones that jumped out at me. We have such an amazing Heavenly Father who would put the world in our hands. How awesome!

Psalm 8:1-9
1 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.

2 From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.

3 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

4 what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

6 You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet:

7 all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field,

8 the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.

9 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

We pray, He answers

Yesterday, not long after I finished my blog post, Chris called. He got offered a job! Kind of... This may be a premature post, but what-the-heck, I am excited. He still has to go through one professor.

The job is only for a year, but it will get him experience, which we thought we would have to pick-up and move to a random city for a year to allow Chris to get the experience he needs. But, we get to stay right here! And the best part of all is that Chris told them he would like to accept a "real, long term" job if it came about, and they totally understood!

God is amazing. Seriously. I keep thinking that we are way too blessed. And we are. We don't deserve everything that the Lord keeps pouring out on us. It seems every time I turn around he is blessing us with something: friends, family, financial wisdom, perseverance, health, the health of family, jobs, peace, church, etc. I am truly in awe of his blessings.

 He is wonderful, and he has perfect plans, which I can't wait to see unfold.

Romans 12- ⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Our Plans; God's Plans

"Let me see your kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere." Psalm 143:8

It seems I am always praying this. My senior year of high school I was stuck between two colleges. I could attend one that was cheaper and bigger- and see Chris a few days a month. Or I could choose the smaller, more expensive school- and see Chris everyday. It was, at that point in my life, the hardest decision. I remember praying and praying, hoping God would send a sign. Preferably a big one, because I don't always like to listen when he talks. I worried. I cried. I just knew that my whole life depended on this decision. In April, he definitely sent a sign, though it was to a totally different school. One I hadn't even looked at. It was one of the absolute, best decisions I have ever made. Lesson learned: Sometimes God's plans are TOTALLY different than ours.

My senior year of college, Chris and I were planning a wedding and the next step of our lives. Chris was applying to graduate schools all over the country, and I was patiently waiting. Not really. This was actually a really difficult, exciting time. I was scared. I had no peace or trust that everything would turn out. I had job opportunities in the state, and was giving those up for my husband's perspective grad school opportunities. I was not trusting of this decision though- I remember doubting him and God. I just knew it wasn't going to work out. Needless to say, it worked out. We ended up in a wonderful town, at a wonderful school, and have met wonderful people. Lesson learned: God's plans are so much better than I can plan for myself.

Currently, Chris is applying for jobs. I think we counted 13 states a few days ago. Until a few days ago we had heard nothing back. When we finally heard from 3 of the jobs, it was a day full of rejections. This process has been long, and isn't close to being over, but I have honestly never felt a peace like I do now. Others seem worried that he won't be able to find a job- but we aren't. At all. He applies for one every few days (usually the first day they are posted); I know he is doing his best to find a job. I also know that he is seeking God in this process. And that makes all the difference. Whether he finds a job now, in August, or next year- we know, without a doubt, we are following God's plans for our lives.
I recently got a "reduction in force" notice to only work part time next year. It was an interesting few weeks to say the least. When people found out about the "RIF", they were very concerned, but me, I was fine. I am not sure why, because normally I am one who freaks out about everything- especially when plans don't go my way. But I didn't. I never worried. For the first time in my life, I knew God had it all figured out. And boy does he! I got an offer to work part time at another local school- a better school (for many reasons). How awesome that God would take something bad and turn it in to something amazing!

If there is one life lesson that I have learned so far, it is to trust in God's plans for my life. He knows what he's doing, and if I let him lead the way (whether I like his idea or not), he will lead me exactly where I am meant to be.

Jeremiah 29- ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Early Morning, Tea, and My Bible

I'm not going to lie, one of the goals I am struggling with most this year is Quiet Time. I have nothing to blame but my inability to prioritize my life.

The gym comes first in the morning, then school, then softball, then home, then dinner, grading/ planning, and then sleep. I make no time for a little one-on-one with my Lord and Savior. I keep saying, "I don't have time." Which we all know isn't true. I am just not making time.

So here's to day 1 of making time.

And of course I should share this verse with you because it hits home.

1 Corinthians 9: 24-27
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it a slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

and

Psalm 36: 10-11
"Continue your love in those who know you, your righteousness to the upright in heart. May the foot of the proud not come against me, nor the hand of the wicked drive me away."

"You have let me experience the joys of life and the exquisite pleasures of your own eternal presence. " Psalm 16:11

My Christmas Post

I had the "Ahha!" moment. I usually have it once a year when I am reminded of what Christmas is.

My sweet husband put off Christmas shopping for a few of his family members until Saturday. The Saturday before Christmas. Realizing this about noon, we put on our shopping faces and headed to the mall. It was packed. More packed than black Friday. People were frantically running from store to store. I even witnessed a few people pushing others out of their way. It was ridiculous.

This got me thinking. Why is this what Christmas is? Why is it that there are so many people(including myself) running around like crazy trying to find that perfect gift. Spending more money than necessary to celebrate Christmas. Now, don't get me wrong- I LOVE gifts. And I love giving them, but it has become the focus. Chris and I have gone over our list many times to make sure we don't forget anyone, but have yet to sit down as a family and read the Christmas Story- the real one.

Isn't that what this time of year is about? Isn't it about celebrating our Savior's birth?

I got a call from my mom the other day explaining that Christmas was going to be a little scarce this year since she quit her job in September. This totally threw me off. It took me a minute to understand that she was talking about presents. Once I realized this I was frustrated. Not really with her alone, but also myself. Is this what we have let Christmas become? My family is so focused on gifts that Christmas seems worse because there won't be as many presents under the tree. Pathetic.

As I write this I start to think about how much Chris and I spent on each other. Last year was ridiculous, so we cut back this year. The goal was 50$ each, but that didn't happen. I spent $130 on Chris and I am guessing he spent about 80$ on me. We were $110 over what we planned. Sadly this is still much better than last year. We spent about $300 on the rest of our friends and family. I am sure many think this is still not much, but to us it is. This is a large sum of money for a teacher and grad student. This doesn't include everything else that comes with Christmas.
Let me also say that I wouldn't change all of this. I wouldn't change going home, buying a tree, making treats for others, or buying for our family members; I would change how much. Most importantly I would change the fact that gifts have been the focus.

I am almost embarrassed that as a Christian I have not read the Christmas story yet. I have not taken time to focus on the reason for Christmas.

I hope that all of you find joy in the Savior this week and throughout the year. I hope that the giving spirit sticks with you- not just with gifts- but your life. I hope that as you spend time with family and friends you are a light for Christ. I also hope that you take a minute (hopefully more) to spend time thanking God for sending his Son for us. Read his story- all of the accounts the Bible gives us, and share this story with those around you.

"These will be his royal titles: 'wonderful,' 'counselor,' the mighty God,' the Everlasting Father, 'the Prince of Peace.' Isaiah 9:6

Back to the Black Boots

" She was absolutely glowing in her fashionable red dress, sparkly earrings, and passion for God."

I love this quote because it reminds me that my personality and attitude can show off my faith and my love for the creator of the universe. It's so cool to think that people can see God in me just by my conversations with them, and hopefully my "glow". After I read this quote I smiled, moved on, and then realized it's message. Here is my take:

Let me make it clear that I am not that trendy. I refuse to buy things that I think will be out of style in a year. I am too cheap for that. I have decided that my style is more of a classy practical, though I am not sure if many would say I even have a "style".

With this said, I do enjoy dressing-up. It makes me feel better. I don't like dressing like a slob, and lately I tend to dress girlier/dressier than I have in the past; I realized how fun it is. I actually think about what I am going to wear now, rather than throwing something on at the last minute. When I shop I am preparing outfits in my head and thinking of all the different ways I can wear a purchase. I even bought awesome black boots to wear rather than my everyday, comfortable flats. And yes, I am very thankful for my black boots, but that's a whole other post. ;)

Though confident in myself, I know I am not physically perfect. But I constantly try to be my healthiest. I eat well and go to the gym at least 5 times a week. I strive to take care of the body I was given. I take time to put on make-up every morning. I get my haircut on a regular basis. Basically, I keep myself presentable and professional.

What I am getting at is that I spend time on my outward appearance. I take the time to do all of the little things that keep me looking socially acceptable. But with my calender quote this morning, I started to wonder if I am doing everything I need to do to keep my passion for God noticeable. Am I joyful? Are my words "seasoned with salt"? Who am I living for? Am I praying enough? Am I living a life that is questionable to others? Am I causing others to sin? Am I reading and devouring God's word as I am my no brainer, thoughtless girl novel?

While answering these questions honestly, I became aware of how others may perceive me. Especially the past few weeks. I am so "busy" that my quiet times are a last priority. I pray, but I don't listen. Even in this hard time of waiting on results for my dad's testing, I am still not brought to my knees in prayer. What's the deal? I am not joyful. I am sarcastic and critical. My words can be hurtful. I am living for myself and my obligations. I talk about others. Worst of all, I cause people to sin. I could go on. My life is far from allowing others to see my passion for God.

With these struggles, am I glowing from the inside in a way that others can see my passion for Christ?

So, what now? The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

I found a few verses to remind me of the woman God wants me to be and the things I need to change in order to reach my full potential. I want to glow from the inside.

Proverbs 31: 29- “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Colossions 3: 12-17- Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
James 1: 19- 27- My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Wow.
It's amazing what God can put in your life to convict you. A calender? Oh my.
I could find verses forever. I could talk about all of my faults. I could focus on them. But I won't. I will focus on serving my creator. On worshiping the God of the Universe. The one who loves me unconditionally- sin and all.

Thank God for forgiveness.

So, I love Francesca Battistelli. A lot. She seems to sing what I am thinking. I heard this song a while ago, but I just recently really listened to it- and it fits so perfectly. Love it!


My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me

I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

I love this song because of it's message- it's hard to let go of everything I have ever wanted. My dreams seem to be fading quickly and I am left with absolute cluelessness as to what I want to do with my life or where I want to be in 5 years. This is a complete leap of faith for me and way far away from my comfort zone, yet God has given me a complete peace about it. I am not worried, I'm not concerned, and I am ready for what's next! It's very exciting.

On a school related note, softball is in full swing. I am exhausted!

I recently took over a computer lab so I didn't have to push through the hallways with my cart- however- it's research paper time. Meaning all labs are filled. So, it's back to roaming the halls, being mistaken for a student, being late for every class, and constantly forgetting things. To make it worse it's End of Course time, so that means I am lugging around tons and tons of preparation materials and workbooks! No fun. But hey! I'm burning calories!

Speaking of the End of Course test- it's hard! Very hard. With trick questions. I am genuinely concerned. This is the first year Indiana has done the test so there is not much available. Students are getting frustrated and concerned, because if they don't pass, they don't graduate. Don't get me wrong- I think testing students on what they should know is fine. Not great- but fine. However, trick questions? C'mon. Don't put two answers that could both arguably be right and ask which one is the best. I don't know what the test thinkers think is the best. I know what I think is the best- but it has not matched up a couple of times. It's very annoying, especially when they want to base my salary on how well students do. But that's a whole other post and I don't feeling like getting mad before I start the school day.

Just a few morning thoughts. Hope you all have a fantastic day and weekend! :)