Quick Update

Quote of the day on my desk calander: "She knew there would be bumps in the road, so she protected her heart, adjusted her attitude, and held onto God's promises with both hands."

What's been happening: My bestfriend, Katie, got engaged! And we got to be there to help celebrate. My brother-in-law got engaged! :) Yay! I gave Chris a Suprise Birthday party! Softball is exhausting, but so much fun!

That's all for now. I will expand later!

So, I love Francesca Battistelli. A lot. She seems to sing what I am thinking. I heard this song a while ago, but I just recently really listened to it- and it fits so perfectly. Love it!


My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me

I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

I love this song because of it's message- it's hard to let go of everything I have ever wanted. My dreams seem to be fading quickly and I am left with absolute cluelessness as to what I want to do with my life or where I want to be in 5 years. This is a complete leap of faith for me and way far away from my comfort zone, yet God has given me a complete peace about it. I am not worried, I'm not concerned, and I am ready for what's next! It's very exciting.

On a school related note, softball is in full swing. I am exhausted!

I recently took over a computer lab so I didn't have to push through the hallways with my cart- however- it's research paper time. Meaning all labs are filled. So, it's back to roaming the halls, being mistaken for a student, being late for every class, and constantly forgetting things. To make it worse it's End of Course time, so that means I am lugging around tons and tons of preparation materials and workbooks! No fun. But hey! I'm burning calories!

Speaking of the End of Course test- it's hard! Very hard. With trick questions. I am genuinely concerned. This is the first year Indiana has done the test so there is not much available. Students are getting frustrated and concerned, because if they don't pass, they don't graduate. Don't get me wrong- I think testing students on what they should know is fine. Not great- but fine. However, trick questions? C'mon. Don't put two answers that could both arguably be right and ask which one is the best. I don't know what the test thinkers think is the best. I know what I think is the best- but it has not matched up a couple of times. It's very annoying, especially when they want to base my salary on how well students do. But that's a whole other post and I don't feeling like getting mad before I start the school day.

Just a few morning thoughts. Hope you all have a fantastic day and weekend! :)

First Step

I think this post is going to be a little ironic based on the contents of my previous post. But oh well.

It's official. We have submitted our applications for the Peace Corps. We were told that we would receive a phone call within the next two weeks for possible interviews.

For those of you who know me well, you know how hard of a decision it was for me to even consider thinking about applying. Chris first mentioned it last year (I think) and I said, "No." There was no way I was going to leave my family and friends. Ten hours is far enough away for me. My plan was to head back to Arkansas after Grad School- or at least closer home. I just can't imagine not being close enough to fly home for a funeral, wedding, birth, or any event that I "want" to be at. My Aunt's funeral in February was a reminder that life goes on- even if I am away. I have friends with weddings possibly approaching, maybe even babies. I don't want to miss these things. Big events still happen and I don't want to feel as though I am not able to see family and friends when I need them. I also can't fathom the idea of Christmas away from my family.

But, as I am learning, apparently God has his own plans. After tons and tons of prayer I finally felt God pushing me to apply. Now, this doesn't mean that we will accept or be accepted, but it's a start, and oddly enough, I am ecstatic. I think it would be an eye opening experience to immerse myself in another culture and get to know what life is like outside of my comfort zone. I want to learn what it's like to live in other people's shoes (at least a little more). I also feel it would be great for me professionaly- especially the fact that I will have to learn another langauge(maybe). I also think it would be a great experience to have with my hubby.

But like I said, they have to accept us first, and that's difficult. Apparently tons of people apply- and we are married- which make us harder to place. I am continually praying for God's guidance and that we are able to follow his will for our lives, and I ask you to do the same. :)

The Natural State

I miss Arkansas. Here are a few specifics.

Friends.

Arkansas Razorback spirit.

Pedestrian Bridge.

Family.

The River Market- including the used book store.

Downtown.

I miss the Buffalo River- I am in need of a nice long river float!

Interesting Weekend

This past weekend Chris and I chaperoned an 8th grade confimation retreat for the kids in our church. It was an absolute blast! It reminded me of being at camp, which I love. On Sunday morning we got ready to leave and pastor began to carry his stuff to his car. He noticed his tires were flat. He looked at our car and the other chaperones car and he realized that ALL of out tires were flat. At first we thought someone had just let the air out of our tires as a prank, but we quickly realized they had all been slashed! One car even got he window busted out. So here is a picture of our first bad experience in Indiana. Boo. Needless to say we got four new tires yesterday. We are still waiting on the insurance company to tell us how much they will pay. We have no clue who it could have been, and nothing was taken- it seems it was a random act of violence by someone.

So I changed the title...

I have been thinking about changing the title of my blog for a while now. First reason being that Chris never writes- and quite frankly- he never will. I should stop wishing. Secondly, my posts are about teaching more than anything else, so I needed something more broad. And last, but certainly not least, I wanted something more original for a title. So this is me being original.

The title references my status as a traveling teacher. Maybe one day I will take a picture of my precious cart.

Last day before spring break equals an absolutely hectic day. I blame all of the male coaches who chose to watch March Madness in their classes rather than teach as they are paid to do. If one more student asks if we are doing anything, I am slapping an essay prompt on their desk. And spring break homework. Ha!

I also had horrible bags under my eyes this morning. I am too young for this.

For My Teacher Friends

A fellow teacher was telling me about this calender, from inspiringteachers.com, around November as I began to lose all hope in teaching. I said, about everyday, I hate this job. If people asked how I liked teaching I would simply reply, "It's not for me." or "It's fine until I can figure out something else to do." I literally hated the idea of having to teach ever again. I felt like I worked so hard and was achieving nothing. I felt like I was not appreciated. I realize that teachers don't teach for recognition,but c'mon! I had students complain about me bringing candy as their "treat" rather than popcorn. I wanted to yell, "Are you kidding me? I won't be rewarding you with anything next time!" However, I did what I have learned to do. I ignored them. If one student out of 100 says thank you- I will appreciate that 1- rather than focusing on the 99 others. I was frustrated and disappointed in the career I had chosen. I think you could say this qualifies as disillusionment, although maybe my curve would be a little lower. I also heard from friends who teach- one, who teaches first graders, decided she needed to open a bakery. At this point I said I would join her and we could add on a used book store. Another friend actually talked to me about not signing her contract for next year. It makes me sad that teachers reach such a low- but I understand.

The anticipation part in August is definitely true. I mean, I worked for four years to become a teacher- I couldn't wait to change the lives of so many people. I was so excited and nervous to begin teaching!After about a month I realized that teaching was hard. As I have talked about in other posts, I work all the time. The dream of touching so many lives is possible. I know that I have made an impact, and I know that I will continue to- but sometimes students come along that seem to get me so down that I forget about all of the good. I focus on the small group of bad students and lose sight of the students who at least somewhat care.

The survival part is dead-on. I was struggling to keep my head above water. A veteran teacher once said about his first year, "You get to a point when you realize you have no idea what you're doing. You think that someone is going to figure out that you are a fraud and they need to get rid of you immediately." This made me laugh, but again, it's so true. You go from one day to the next praying you get what you need to get done, done- and that your wonderful students don't eat you alive. I would get to school at 6:30 and not leave until 5. I would only leave to go home, cook dinner for the hubbs, and then work again. I worked around the clock (I still do, but I have learned to chill-out about it- and for those of you who know me well, you know that was hard for me!) I was slowly sinking into frustration.

I have already discussed the disillusionment part. It's so true- and it was miserable. However, I think I have already started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have started to see that yes, I can do this. I am feeling rejuvenated (other than spending a lot of my time in softball, but that I won't complain about because I love it!). I actually don't dread going to work, as I did for the winter months. I see the positive- or I try to at least. That's a weakness for me. I laugh more, and I try to be a positive leader. It's not always easy, but I am definitely enjoying my job. I actually got teary-eyed the other day thinking about not having my sophomores next year. I enjoy talking to them about life and literature. Every now and then students ask about my faith- and I realize why I am here. I am here because I felt called to be a teacher. Even if I can't witness vocally- or if I do I have to be careful- I have learned to witness with all I say and with my attitude. it's awesome getting to answer students questions about faith. Eventually I will have to share about two of my students, but that's another topic. Remembering why I am here and who I am here for opens my eyes to the opportunities God has given me, and it helps me to see a little more through God's eyes, the students he has placed in my life. As well as the faculty.

I have no doubt that the reflection is coming. I try to look back at the assignments I have made and see what I can do better- so I guess that sort of counts.

Just thought I would share this. I think it is very true! It made me feel better about the "rough patch" I went through for a while.

My new favorite

"She started her day with a simple prayer, "Lord, lead the way." Then she stepped out the door with a heart full of courage."

This is obviously my inspiration for today. I love it! What a great way to start off the day. :)

When I was in high school I assumed my teachers knew their subjects inside and out. I assumed that if I asked them a question about anything within math, english, history, etc (whatever subject they taught)- they would know the answer. How could they not? They got the degree. Naive. I know. Maybe I just had awesome teachers and they really did know everything. :/ When I became a teacher I realized this was not the case. I also realize that my students expect the same from me- which sometimes gets awkward because I don't know everything. (Mark it down- I just admitted that I in fact do not know everything.) I never knew how much work it could be preparing lessons and trying to figure out what questions students would ask, and of course, making sure I could answer those questions. Some questions though I just cannot prepare for. And those are the ones that usually make me laugh. Saying all of this brings me to the topic of the day: Coaching.



Last night was my first official softball practice. I wasn't the best player, but I don't think I was too bad. I have enough experience to coach- right? Nope. Wrong. Heck- I had no idea what all went into coaching. I should note that I am not even the head coach- just assistant. But still- I should have paid attention better. I feel CLUELESS. I have never felt clueless when it comes to softball. That's why I played it. I know softball. I understand softball. That's also why I decided to help coach it. Well let me just tell you- the past few weeks of preparation have been a rude awakening as to how clueless I am.



Knowing the game is only part of it. I know the rules, where to make the next play, how to throw (if you want to throw sidearmed that is- but I can teach the "real" way too), how to hit, bunt, catch, steal- you get the picture. So why have I spent hours and hours reading about drills and testing them in my living room, watching all sorts of batting stances, trying to figure out if a flat footed catcher is better than one standing on the balls of her feet, relearning a little bit of the lingo, trying to figure out the best way to teach quick and soft hands- again, you get the idea.

I also can remember hating the fact we had to practice everyday. Again, rude awakening. I now practice 6 days a week and then go home to try to figure out what worked, what didn't, and what I need to figure out.

I have done as much softball research as I have done short story/ poem/ novel research. It's ridiculous. I had no idea my coaches worked this hard. I mean, they played- I assumed they knew it. False. They may have a general idea, but to be able to teach something you have to know it through and through. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. You have to come up with drills and remember all of them. It's tough. I honestly feel like an idiot sometimes- and I never felt dumb in softball.

All I have to say is that this year has pushed me out of my comfort zone completely. It's nuts. I have learned more the past seven months than I learned all 4 years in college. Stupid college. I paid to read. Anyway- coaching is hard. Really hard. And sometimes quite intimidating. The next 3 months should be interesting.

Having said all this- I did not give my coaches (and teachers- but that's a whole other blog post) enough credit. They worked their butts off.

"Chocolate, sweet chocolate... let us never abandon the things God has given us to enjoy."

Hmmm... I think I will follow this advice.