But I told you in person... isn't that enough?

I know when you get married two families collide. Two different ways of eating, vacationing, worshipping, arguing...really two different ways of doing everything. Today I am focusing on one difference- Thanking.

Yep, the acceptable way to let someone know you are thankful for their gift.

Growing up I wrote thank you notes for graduation gifts, some birthday gifts (depending on whether or not the person was there), and of course, wedding gifts. But that's it.

Chris, on the other hand, was taught to write thank you notes for everything.

So, which was is right and which way is unacceptable?

My family believes in simply saying thank you and meaning it. You get a gift, you open a gift, and you say thank you. Done. Everyone is happy. This is our common practice for Christmas and birthdays. When I started dating Chris I realized that his family expected thank you notes for all gifts given- not just weddings and graduations. I do my best to be a good addition to the family and I write my thank you notes so I don't upset anyone. I am by no means saying there is anything wrong with expecting thank you notes, but it got me thinking about what we will teach our kids.

I decided to do a little research on what is socially acceptable by today's standards.

Emily Post says, "A thank you note is always appreciated, but a note isn’t needed if you’ve thanked someone in person for a gift—the most personal thanks of all. If you receive gifts from family members that you won’t see to thank in person, write them a thank you note, both to let them know their gift arrived and that you liked it. Remember that relatives from ‘the old school’ may still expect a written note even if thanks were given in person."

Dempsey and Carroll says, "Every gift deserves a thank-you note..."

Even Etiquette for Dummies says, "...writing a thank you note is necessary. Just saying 'thank you' isn't enough."

I looked at many other sites and found many mixed opinions. Obviously no one really knows. It seems to be what many call a "dying art." Seriously? I feel that thank you notes can be special but I prefer a hug or a call. Don't waste money on a stamp and cards. Definitely not a form of art.

But again, I grew up with a family who did not expect nor want thank you notes, so I struggle with the idea.

The 'experts' do tend to say that thank you notes should be sent immediately- I guess I should get on that. Is a month too late? ;)